Tag: changing plans

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Let It Go! (The Pressure of Entertaining, that is…)

When I was growing up, it was common for people to just drop in for a visit, especially on Sunday afternoons. I loved this as a child because you never knew who might show up or who you might drop in on. 

As a young adult, I found this terrifying! For me having someone into my home required at least a little preparation and warning!

When we were first married and had young children our get-togethers revolved almost entirely around friends with small children or family. These didn’t require a lot of planning or preparation. We were all in the same boat…exhausted and running in all directions. There wasn’t Pinterest or any social media to tell us we were doing it wrong.  We’d gather potluck style, use paper plates, play games and let the kids run wild! The only time I made a big effort was at our annual Christmas party where I really looked forward to trying new recipes out on my friends! I remember one year I made crab (artificial) quiche and I felt so fancy!

Once the kids were older and mostly out of the house something changed and I felt pressure to make things nicer, better….perfect. I would drive myself crazy making sure that every nook and cranny was spotless. The house needed to be decorated and every detail seen to. A menu was chosen that would be sure to impress. By the time my guests arrived I was too tired and worn out to really enjoy the evening and I usually needed a couple of days to recover! 

Where did this pressure come from? Myself! I was the person driving the crazy train! It got to the point that we just stopped having people over. Oh sure, there were other reasons that also led to that happening, but I think mostly I was exhausted. I just couldn’t keep up.

After not having anyone in our home other than family for so long, the thought of inviting anyone in filled me with fear. Fear of rejection, of judgment, of not being or doing enough. But I was lonely and missed the sweet fellowship of people. 

And the Lord was working on my heart. He started to impress on me the need to be faithful to steward the home He had given us. A place with plenty of room inside and out, a place people could hopefully come and feel welcome and loved. A place to share His love with others.  I no longer wanted to “entertain”, I wanted to extend hospitality–to just minister, encourage, and love.  To build and strengthen relationships with the people He placed in my life.

So, I put on my big girl panties and invited a group of ladies over for lunch. They were all co-workers of mine. I wasn’t sure they would accept the invitation when I extended it, but they did and we had a lovely time together! I made a simple lunch of chicken salad with croissants. Nothing fancy. Still, I fretted over the house and food before they got there. Was it good enough? The laughter and conversation we shared around the table told me that fretting was an unnecessary burden I placed on myself. But it was going to take baby steps for me to adapt.

As I continued to reach out to various friends and acquaintances it became easier and less scary. I began to loosen up…a BIT. 

Two of my favorite memories are of having our dear friends, Marc, Lisa, Marina, Ed, Johnny, and Stacy over for PIZZA! Take and bake! Not even homemade, and I think we may even have used paper plates! BUT we had the best time! 

Another time we hosted a chili feed with some friends from church, some neighbors, and my brother and sister-in-law. We had several pots/types of chili to sample and once again the laughter and conversation flowed! I was getting the hang of it! More fun get-togethers continued to happen, and then…COVID! 

Oh, how I missed my friends and vowed to have them over ASAP! Like many of you, the pandemic changed a lot of my thinking, especially about things that are important and one thing that became ever clearer to me was that it was the fellowship that mattered, not the perfection of the house of food. 

So with that in mind, when the time finally came to have friends in again the pressure was OFF. I let myself off the hook with having to feel like everything was just so and doing everything myself. One of ”my” rules had always been that the first time someone comes over to my house for dinner, they don’t bring anything. We provide it all, do it all, but not this last time! This time I asked almost everyone to bring something to share and it was wonderful! And you know what? I didn’t even mop my kitchen floor! And no one even pointed it out with shocked and judging eyes!

I still enjoy doing things well and trying to make my guests feel special. That hasn’t changed, but the internal pressure I placed on myself is no longer weighing me down….Oh, the freedom!

So here’s my new hospitality manifesto:

1) I  Keep it simple. In summer BBQ is perfect. In the cooler months, I  try to choose a one-dish recipe or a crock pot meal. Amy Hannon’s Roast Cobbler from her Love, Welcome, Serve cookbook is a favorite around here. And don’t forget there’s always pizza!

2) I let my guests share in the joy of providing part of the meal.

3) I focus on getting the main areas we will use clean (especially the bathrooms) and don’t sweat the rest.

4) Let the Lord lead in the inviting.  He’s the master mixer! 

5) Relax. Breathe. Enjoy

What about you, friend? Are you caught in the web of perfection, running yourself ragged, trying to impress instead of bless? We’d love to hear what’s on your heart and if you have any of your own tips to share! Leave us a comment!

XOXO,

Shan

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Remember, Trust in God: Holding Our Own Plans Loosely

Trust. The  Webster dictionary defines it as “the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of something or someone.  One in which confidence is placed.”

Lately, it doesn’t seem like there is much to put our trust in. Certainly, doctors, our government, media, just about everyone, all seem to have lost credibility. We don’t feel we can trust anyone or anything they say. We trust only ourselves and what we can see and touch. What our minds can grasp and understand. What we can plan for ourselves.

We are Lord and Master of our fate. Even as Christians we struggle in this area. When things are going well, right on our schedule, following our plan, we often see little need for God and think we’ve got it all under control.  Right up until we don’t. Plans change. The diagnosis comes in. The job is gone or maybe a Pandemic comes along and changes everything.

And we forget. We forget the God we serve. The God we say we trust. The One, we believe in. We forget His power, His goodness, His faithfulness, His strength, The Truth of who He is. But we aren’t the only ones. The Old Testament is full of the stories of Israel forgetting.  

Psalms 78 is a call to Israel to remember God. A call to repent of their doubt. It recounts all the ways God delivered them from Egypt. The signs and wonders He performed on their behalf. How he cared and provided for them all the years in the desert. How He brought them into the very land He had promised the ancestors. And yet, they forgot all this and continued to grumble, complain and doubt.

Verse 22 says “for they did not believe in God or trust in his deliverance.” Youch. It wasn’t that they didn’t believe there was a God. They believed. They just didn’t believe IN Him. They doubted His ability to provide and care for them. They doubted His goodness. His character. They doubted His strength. And many times we do the same.

This year has been one of constant change, upheaval. Things we took for granted as normal daily occurrences like work, school, shopping, or meeting friends, came to an abrupt stop. Over and over again what we thought we knew was challenged and cast aside.  Many times, I’m sure we felt like all we knew was tossed out the door and we were left to pick up the pieces. Everything changed in a moment. Everything that is, except God. He stayed exactly the same. We just forgot.

I had to work through my own doubt and fear earlier in the year when the airline industry was hit particularly hard by the pandemic. Being a Flight Attendant meant that since fewer people were flying, there were fewer flights, and so, fewer of us were needed. Many of us took the unpaid leaves that were offered in hopes of keeping mass furloughs from happening down the line. 

One thing this affected was when I was planning to retire. The plan my husband and I had made was to retire in 3 years, together. That would give me the time needed to keep my flight benefits. Something we’ve come to enjoy and rely on to visit family and friends scattered across the country. Now that plan was in question since being out on leave would mean I would need to work longer to make up for the time I was out. Maybe even as much as a year longer. And what about the possibility that the industry wouldn’t recover. What if I lost my job altogether? What then?

I wish I could tell you that I handled this well and I put my full trust in God immediately, but I didn’t. There were many anxious hours and sleepless nights spent with the what if’s running rampant through my mind. I had forgotten, too. Forgotten who really is in charge of my life. Who I can trust and put my full weight on.

Psalms 37:23 says that ‘The Lord directs the steps of the godly, He delights in every detail of their lives.”  And Colossians 1:17 reminds us “He existed before anything else, and He holds all creation together.” 

Did you see that? He’s holding it all together. Not me. I don’t need to come up with a new plan, I just need to trust His plan. Because He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is able to provide for all my needs. He’s done it every year for the 59 years of my life. Over and over again He’s shown me in countless ways I can trust Him.

And, while I can’t even begin to imagine what surprises 2020 has yet in store for all of us, I do know with all my heart that if I can trust Him with my eternity, I can certainly trust Him with this day.

I pray that same assurance for you, my friend. That you know without a shadow of a doubt that you can put your full weight on Him. He is worthy of your trust. He will never leave you. He will never let you down. You can trust His plan for you.

XOXO,

Shan