When I was growing up, it was common for people to just drop in for a visit, especially on Sunday afternoons. I loved this as a child because you never knew who might show up or who you might drop in on.
As a young adult, I found this terrifying! For me having someone into my home required at least a little preparation and warning!
When we were first married and had young children our get-togethers revolved almost entirely around friends with small children or family. These didn’t require a lot of planning or preparation. We were all in the same boat…exhausted and running in all directions. There wasn’t Pinterest or any social media to tell us we were doing it wrong. We’d gather potluck style, use paper plates, play games and let the kids run wild! The only time I made a big effort was at our annual Christmas party where I really looked forward to trying new recipes out on my friends! I remember one year I made crab (artificial) quiche and I felt so fancy!
Once the kids were older and mostly out of the house something changed and I felt pressure to make things nicer, better….perfect. I would drive myself crazy making sure that every nook and cranny was spotless. The house needed to be decorated and every detail seen to. A menu was chosen that would be sure to impress. By the time my guests arrived I was too tired and worn out to really enjoy the evening and I usually needed a couple of days to recover!
Where did this pressure come from? Myself! I was the person driving the crazy train! It got to the point that we just stopped having people over. Oh sure, there were other reasons that also led to that happening, but I think mostly I was exhausted. I just couldn’t keep up.
After not having anyone in our home other than family for so long, the thought of inviting anyone in filled me with fear. Fear of rejection, of judgment, of not being or doing enough. But I was lonely and missed the sweet fellowship of people.
And the Lord was working on my heart. He started to impress on me the need to be faithful to steward the home He had given us. A place with plenty of room inside and out, a place people could hopefully come and feel welcome and loved. A place to share His love with others. I no longer wanted to “entertain”, I wanted to extend hospitality–to just minister, encourage, and love. To build and strengthen relationships with the people He placed in my life.
So, I put on my big girl panties and invited a group of ladies over for lunch. They were all co-workers of mine. I wasn’t sure they would accept the invitation when I extended it, but they did and we had a lovely time together! I made a simple lunch of chicken salad with croissants. Nothing fancy. Still, I fretted over the house and food before they got there. Was it good enough? The laughter and conversation we shared around the table told me that fretting was an unnecessary burden I placed on myself. But it was going to take baby steps for me to adapt.
As I continued to reach out to various friends and acquaintances it became easier and less scary. I began to loosen up…a BIT.
Two of my favorite memories are of having our dear friends, Marc, Lisa, Marina, Ed, Johnny, and Stacy over for PIZZA! Take and bake! Not even homemade, and I think we may even have used paper plates! BUT we had the best time!
Another time we hosted a chili feed with some friends from church, some neighbors, and my brother and sister-in-law. We had several pots/types of chili to sample and once again the laughter and conversation flowed! I was getting the hang of it! More fun get-togethers continued to happen, and then…COVID!
Oh, how I missed my friends and vowed to have them over ASAP! Like many of you, the pandemic changed a lot of my thinking, especially about things that are important and one thing that became ever clearer to me was that it was the fellowship that mattered, not the perfection of the house of food.
So with that in mind, when the time finally came to have friends in again the pressure was OFF. I let myself off the hook with having to feel like everything was just so and doing everything myself. One of ”my” rules had always been that the first time someone comes over to my house for dinner, they don’t bring anything. We provide it all, do it all, but not this last time! This time I asked almost everyone to bring something to share and it was wonderful! And you know what? I didn’t even mop my kitchen floor! And no one even pointed it out with shocked and judging eyes!
I still enjoy doing things well and trying to make my guests feel special. That hasn’t changed, but the internal pressure I placed on myself is no longer weighing me down….Oh, the freedom!
So here’s my new hospitality manifesto:
1) I Keep it simple. In summer BBQ is perfect. In the cooler months, I try to choose a one-dish recipe or a crock pot meal. Amy Hannon’s Roast Cobbler from her Love, Welcome, Serve cookbook is a favorite around here. And don’t forget there’s always pizza!
2) I let my guests share in the joy of providing part of the meal.
3) I focus on getting the main areas we will use clean (especially the bathrooms) and don’t sweat the rest.
4) Let the Lord lead in the inviting. He’s the master mixer!
5) Relax. Breathe. Enjoy
What about you, friend? Are you caught in the web of perfection, running yourself ragged, trying to impress instead of bless? We’d love to hear what’s on your heart and if you have any of your own tips to share! Leave us a comment!
XOXO,
Shan
